Community: Here and There
I’m often asked what I miss most about living in West Africa. I certainly miss the obvious things like family, friends, colleagues, school mates, the food, the music. The list could go on and would probably be the same for any immigrant who has left home and started a new life in a new home. But there is one more thing I miss dearly - the interpersonal connections that are so natural and basic to life in Africa.
Here in the US I go to my local Jewel grocery store and I am often tempted to chat with the cashier and negotiate the prices of the things I have put on the counter. Then I remind myself that the cashier does not know me, nor care about me as my rice seller in the market did at home. And certainly, this cashier has no say in the price of the food items that appear in my basket each week. Those prices are determined by an invisible coporate presence and controlled by mysterious global markets. I miss the way I used to be able to chat easily with market sellers who actually seemed to know me and my family.
Each morning in the suburban town where I live, I catch a bus to the train station. The same people sit in the same spots every weekday morning. Since this is a routine, I see the same faces every day. But for the most part, nobody says anything to anybody else. Eyes are blank, people stare straight ahead, as if meeting the eyes of someone else is a taboo. You mount the bus, hand the bus driver your card, and shuffle past familiar faces without so much as a “good morning.” In West Africa, you come into a space and you say good morning because, although you may not know these people personally, they are part of your community. It is polite to greet people and wish them well. It is expected. It is the “done thing.” So I wonder what would happen one morning if I got on the bus and paused before taking my seat. What would the reaction be if I stood there and said loudly, “Good morning, Y’all!”
Then the other day, as I was waiting for the train, a man in front of me shouted suddenly and broke into a sprint towards another cluster of people who were waiting for the train. It was only at that point that I noticed a man yards away who was standing very close to the tracks as the train was approaching. The “rescue-man” reached the man just as the train was approaching. I wondered why the other people closer to the man, who must have seen him leaning towards the tracks, did not pull him back. Again, they were minding their own business in the way that is supposedly modern. In Africa, someone would have interfered. They would have shouted and pulled him away noisily. I wanted to hug the man who had run from a distance to intervene because what he did was such a beautiful gesture in this environment.
This always bothers me because I wonder what “community” means in this context. Community means something very different in the US. A certain US politician loves the African proverb, “It takes a village to raise a child.” Although I grew up in an African town, the sense of “the village” was always around me. I see very few “villages” here. I’ve adjusted because that is what you do in a new environment. But I do miss the “village” aspect of Africa, that sense of community that seems so human.
I totally agree with speaking with people that I commute with. When the weather springs forth, get on the bus one morning; you don’t have to scream, use that mother volume that is used over all three of your kids as they play around with each other, But, untill then start to speak to individuals morning by morning.. I bout to hit the sack. I’ll definitly start leaving comments. My spirit longs for and misses community, the community that would have recognized the man on the platform before he went over there, cause some one would be talking to him or had already talked to him…soon, our choice to “mind our own buisness,” will be snatched from our thoughts, and we will pratice the same repect that we do or don’t have for ourselves we will cultavate it with others.
In the US you’re taught as a young child not to talk to strangers or people you’re not familiar with, so from a very young age most US citizens are conditioned to mind their own business, and not make themselves vulnerable in any way.
The news has several dozen stories about individuals who were attacked, assaulted, or mugged for no apparent reason, and the paranoia of security is always just one terrorist attack or school shooting away from being perpetuated.
There’s hardly a week that goes by where you won’t here the typical conversation among associates go something like this:
One friend: “Did you hear about that (fill in the blank with a negative or distressing event i.e.: shooting, bombing, mugging, etc.), it’s like you can’t go anywhere these days, not even school is safe anymore.”
The other friend: “Yeah, people are crazy, you really have to worry about everyone, because the person who you think is most likely to attack you seems to be the one who will be the first one to do so.”
Ultimately, our society (comprised of politicians, media and fellow citizens) create a never-ending cycle of fear (which they utilize to prey upon with the removal of certain inherent civil liberties aka The Patriot Act) which conditions us to not want to step outside of our comfort zone, because we think bad things may happen to us if we do.
However, rest assured that although you might run into a few people who are less than enthusiastic to join in on your desire to interact and remain communal, there are far more people who are wishing for the same kind of atmosphere as you are–but unlike you–they’ve never existed in such a eutopia, so I would encourage you to give lead, and I bet you’ll be surprised by just how many of them are willing to follow!
This article was my favorite to read so far.
I can agree with your comments that people here in the US really don’t take the time to talk, compared to those countries in Africa and even Europe.
But I also think that it depends on the city size you live in. I grew up in a much smaller city, with everyone knowing everyone and you were able to go to the grocery store and be able to have a conversation with the cashier. But now that I am living in Chicago I see that people are more reserve and keep to themselves. The only time I see any real conversation is when a person from out of town may be asking for directions how to get around on the train.
I too miss those times when you can just tell the cashier how your day is going, rather than just standing in silence.
I personally believe that communities barely exist around here, call me a pessimist, call me negative but no one cares about the neighbor unless the neigbor is doing sometHing that directly affects them, I mean i remember living in the dorms and not even knowing the people who lived next door…how ridiculous is that!
As we all know Americans are selfish and out to get for their own, even me unfortunately i realize that I am a true generalized American…I wish things were difFerent!
We are taught to fear and trust no one and that people are scary and that probably the one who is getting on the train saying “Good Morning y’all” is crazy and their next question is going to be to ask you for money lol
It’s funny you’d bring this up. My sister and I were just discussing this not too long ago. She had just come home from a 3-month stay in Ghana. She told us how when she first got there the men automatically came and helped with bags, but when she got back to the airport in Chicago, many people passed and saw a 4ft 9in woman struggling with big bags and not so much as even offered to help. I think we’re desensitized to things like this when you grow up here. I guess its easier to ignore a person than to put forth the effort to say “hello”, perhaps out of fear that they may actually want to strike up a conversation, I don’t know. I think its disheartening when I stop and think about, although I am guilty of it myself.
Stephanie, I went to Ghana when I was around twelve years old and I totally understand what you are saying. I noticed that in Ghana when I would visit relatives or family friends, how open and friendly everyone was regardless if they know you or not. In this country it is sad to say but it is every man or woman for themselves I think the reason why we can’t come together as a community is because of culture clashes and different ethnic backgrounds, everyone is divided in some way, I live in a neighborhood where all the blacks live on one side and all the whites live on the other. Another thing that I feel keeping us a part is all the technology coming out, now that we have text messaging and emails or IM’s people rarely talk face to face anymore except when they are in a work place or school setting. We live in a world where everyone is constantly judging each others actions so when people saw the man leaning on the train tracks they were probably thinking either he’s crazy or he’s a grown man and eventually will move back; however if something were to have happened to the guy and reporters were looking for witnesses that’s when they would have something to say, which is really sad. We live in a society where most people come together in certain communities for only functions, funerals or when somebody is missing or has been shot. The problem is that we haven’t yet learn to respect each other as all Americans rather than African American, Latino American, Asian American etc. once everyone, learns to respect each others backgrounds and cultures I think the wall dividing everyone will finally come down, the problem is who knows if that will ever happen for us because we still have issues in this country that we cant find a common ground on.
I think that the reason it is like that is because in our society no-one seems to care about each other; and those who do care feel like others dont so after a while they end up feeling like its useless. People nowadays are so programmed to focus on themselves. The recession in our economy can also be to blame, along with people being brainwashed to always be worry-some. Like my mom for example, she watches the news every-single night. I try to tell her that the news is brainwashing people by inflicting fear to people by ONLY showing the negative things going on. All you see on the news is who got murdered, who got killed, the weather, followed by what company has folded or recently stole money from their stockholders. This not only scares people in the act of violence, but makes people worry about what COULD possibly happen to THEM to hurt them finacially. Community todays means nothing more than an area where residents live.
I think the lack of community has become the result of economic theory. Neoliberal theory (neoclassical economics using “liberal” principles of feedom and their language) has pervaded our cultural. Neoliberalism tells us it’s about increasing freedom for the individual when they argue for less government, when really it’s about liberating more money for the rich from regulation and constraints on corporations. THese constraints and “big government” actually act in the people’s interests. So in order to fill the pockets of a few individuals without resistance, the sense of community has to be destroyed so that everyone is scrambling up the top only worried about themselves. Ideology has to reflect focus on the individual. Margaret Thatcher, who made significant cuts to social programs said “There is no society, only individual men and women and their families.” How freaky is that? It’s the cult of personal responsibility. If it’s every man for himself, it’s that man’s fault when he fails. Fetishizing individuality also provides an excellent way to avoid issues of racial inequality. It can be claimed that there is no racism, that every individual is given an opportunity—ignoring the imbalance that exists among the opportunities of different racial groups.
Yes, America has little sense of an actual community outside of small towns that seem to be in the middle of nowhere. I think people are so caught up with their day to day priorities to realize that they have to live in the moment and not always be thinking about the next moment or a few moments later. I feel like not enough people in America are in tune with their inner self and their spirituality (different from religious beliefs). If so, i feel people would be aware of other’s aura’s and be more obliged to spark a random conversation as some (including myself) enjoy doing. Just talking to someone you have never met and just happen to cross paths in life at that moment happened for a reason. Just because you have a quick “hello” doesn’t mean people are trying to force friendship upon you, but just be civilized with their fellow citizens.
Sometimes I feel to friendly for my own good. I remember the first time someone didn’t say hi to me when I was walking on the o’ so busy streets of downtown Chicago. I said, speak English. I was upset because it was totally rude. Made eye-to-eye contact and everything. But I’ve learned on the El that the space is too compact to sit and look at someone the whole time. I’m a daydreamer and the other day someone told me that I was starring off and looking directly into their eyes for a long time. I always have to look down or pretend like what’s outside the window is more interesting than the conversations people have on busses and trains. I don’t know why it’s rude to look at people. I believe that people are interesting. Don’t be afraid to say hi to me Stephie!